Har ghar kuch kehta hai..

How many of us remember this ad? Har ghar kuch kehta hai, ki iske andar kaun rehta hai! My home talks of changing lives, of working kids, of parents striving to keep kids together, and of a nuclear family which managed to do pretty well in the changing times on India. The home I currently live in talks of lavish investments, of owners living abroad and of lives alone, in faraway metro-land.

Going deeper, my district home talks of poverty, rusticness, close knit families and some more. My temporary-current district home talks in the loudest tone in India. What did we expect – everyone has heard how Haryana talks. This is about another of the anecdotes Gurgaon has shared with me in the little time I have spent here.

When my parents planned to buy a home, they pondered upon some important aspects – the affordability, the reach-ability to important places in the city namely airports and stations, the society around the place and maybe some more. When I planned to shift my home, I thought this: I have to shift because of my job and I have to take up this job because. And three years hence, I am wondering, what amenities did I check before making my decision? When we plan to buy a home, we seek a non-haunted, safe place we would want to come back to. But the home I am living in is severely haunted – I have been stalked with a Scorpio if I could be seen standing from the main road. I have been scared the shit out of myself and so many of my friends upon the fear of not returning back, home. And now, I am thinking, how rational have I been in the first decision I took as an adult?

Now, I am thinking that my father would have tackled any nuisance I faced as a child, he would shift between cities to make sure I am safe and now, what the f*ck am I doing in Gurgaon? Why am I playing pseudo-brave trying to fight the ghosts no ghost-buster is able to tackle? I was never this pseudo-daring come-what-may girl. I have always changed my way upon finding a mountain standing in front of me. And I am comfortable doing that. And I am hating this new avatar I am trying to stuff myself in.

Ab waqt hai ghar badalne ka. Kyunki har ghar kuch kehta hai, ki iske andar kaun rehta hai.

The best trick in the world to avoid pain caused through high heels

Needless to say, this article is for the information of girls but in case a guy has strolled in, please read out the rest. Now, I don’t mean to be sexist when I earmark this for girls. I am just sorting out the normal trend. For reference, here is the search result relating women and high heels and here is the one linking men and heels. While the search results for women lead us to articles like ‘why powerful women wear high heels’, the latter leads us to ‘science proves that heels have power over men’. Which makes me ponder, do we have to have power over men to be powerful? What about the women of the world? Nevertheless, one crucial point at a time. Phew.

Last year, we had a group of sessions conducted at office to ‘enhance our skills’  at communication – with our managers, with our colleagues or with our customers. And what evidently follows was a presentation-of-sorts to be given by all participants about a topic wildly of their choice. A guy in the team chose to speak over ‘girls and high-heels’ and this was what he said (or tried to convey, at least)- Not all pains are bad. Some pains give more pleasure once we are past the pain. Like a girl wearing a pair of heels. She might be in endless pain but at the end of the day, she looks sexy wearing it. So, end justifies the means. And while I understood what he tried to say, I still have a problem with it. Why go through so much pain? What could two inches of added heel possibly add what 5 feet of natural couldn’t? There is a place to wear stilts to show how well-balanced you are and that is this:

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This, on the other hand, is useless:

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Let’s remember one thing: the only thing we get out of pain is pain. There is no greatness in being a silent survivor and when what we struck upon ourselves is our own deed. Trying to prove yourself as a great administrator by how awesome you clean a room is worthless. Showing your power with a pair of heels in worthless. Let’s do something worthwhile.

And to  make an exemplary note, I remember and incident my father once told me:

When we were Junior Engineers and we transferred to a department for making barren lands fertile, we had an Executive Engineer as our boss who was extremely small, about 5′. We formed a preconceived notion that he will be gullible and it would be easy for us to have our way. The first meeting we had with him, we were awestruck with the dignified presence he had wherever he went. No one dared to take him lightly and his words were always final because he never made any decision thoughtlessly. He was a guy we learnt most from, in our entire tenure as JE’s. There are very few people whose presence I remember from my entire job-life and that presence of 5′ is one of them.

Let’s try to count just how many personalities with heels do we remember from our personal lifetimes.

Bitch, please!

keep-calm-and-om-shanti-om-4So, I woke up from my deep sleep at 1 am today to a commotion of shouting people discussing an issue of national interest – when a girl or a guy is pursuing another for a matter probable of mutual interest, how do we validate their behaviour?

The arguments were these : Say we have two people,  when a girl asks a guy to talk to her because she has no one else to talk to, but does not want to take the relationship anywhere, is that right? Is a girl justified in wanting to keep a guy as a friend but use him whenever she wants for whatever favours she wants? And I failed to understand why either of them need to be wrong or right in a state of being they mutually decided to reach to.

Now, I am not questioning either of them. I am not trying to argue who is right and who is wrong – that matter is completely out of relevance for me here. The point is, in this hypothetical scenario, the guy and the girl are here out of self interest. Nobody forced them into this state. They both approached each other probably to start a relation, whatever relation the might be. Then, one of them loses interest, say the girl does. Both eventually draw out, they couldn’t reach somewhere they thought they would. Now, either could start wallowing in the fruitlessness of the investment of time or interest and the other might be hurt by the outcome and shit but still, the point is, they started something and it finished; end of, no?

No. People have to turn this into war of some sort. They have to validate something they could relate to. Uselessly. Fruitlessly. They have to make one person a survivor of some sort and the other, some villain. I refuse to recognise either. The only issue I recognise is, I will say this again, our need to validate something we could relate to. Needless to explain, this stems from our insecurity for ourselves. It’s high time we understand that enough is enough. Our insecurity, our feeling of lacks has been propelling unnecessary debates, giving rise to needless trends, funding several needless products in market and is swirling millions of money everyday into the hands of people who don’t deserve it and blowing it out of our own.

Our insecurity for our looks is funding million-rupees industry of stupid fashion, like cakey and harmful makeup, tough-to-wear-and painful-shoes, unsuitable-for-weather clothes and what not. Our insecurity with where we are and the need to ‘discover’ our true place is pumping money out of where it is required to funnelling our lavishness of extravagant travel. Our insecurity of our being is funding money into all sorts of self-help training and curriculum we take out of hobby and forget later. Now, I am not saying either of the things mentioned here is bad. The point is, each of these have their dedicated use. What we are doing with them, though is over exploitation. And over-exploitation does just one thing – depletion of resources. And I don’t understand the why part if it all when all we have to do is be satisfied and happy with what is. A relationship worked? Good. It turned into ‘just-friendship’? Better. How many real friends do we even have in our lives? It is never going to be too-much.

 

So, let’s try for things we want. But let’s not start the blame game or the ‘it’s not enough’ monologue every-time something doesn’t turn out the way we want it to. There is a very optimistic saying in Hindu society: Jo man ka hua, achcha. Jo mann ka na hua, aur bhi achcha. (Translation: If something happens the way we want it, good. If it doesn’t happen how we wanted it, even better.) 

About playing hard to get

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I am a 25 year old single girl living in a metropolitan city in India. And when people tell me that they think I try to play hard to get, I cannot look for a better joke or a more pathetic analysis. And this is what I want to tell them – I am a 25 year old single girl living in a metropolitan city in India. But the issue is, this is what they want to tell me too – that  I am a 25 year old single girl living in a metropolitan city in India. And we can only imagine that everyone knows that already. Now, literally everyone. 

Then why is there so much wavelength gap between my actual thoughts and people’s notion about me? Why do they think that I deliberately try to play hard to get? When my motive couldn’t be any further, possibly?

The reason is hurting, disappointing and too proud for our temper:

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When I am playing hard to get, the real problem is that I am unreachable for most of the approaches (ahem, all of them till now, *cough cough*) and hence, the grapes are sour. The people around me have the right questions: why not give it a try than be a stick-up-the-ass till I turn 30? To them, my question is, tell me how. And this one is not rhetoric.

 

I really want to know how to open up? How do I make myself more reachable? Do I have to think about it all the time? Like you think I am already doing when I try to play hard to get? Do I constantly need to make people at ease around myself? Because even I am not comfortable around a throng, let alone put others at ease.

 

The problem is, to be more approachable would be to change me as a person. I am ambivert and don’t ease up readily. But when I do, I am a buddy. That probably never makes me reach the place of being considered as an available option and this is where the problem deepens. I don’t want to be considered as an option. Nor do I have a rockstar personality or model-looks which could make people buzz around me all the time. The problem is that I want to let the feelings come on their own for both the parties and that is taking an eon or maybe forever, who knows? The maths is pretty screwed up.

 

The reason for all this shit is pretty straight-forward – people need to be validated. I need to be validated and that makes me question myself and others for what they think of me. People need to validate themselves and that makes then judge others and make opinions. The crux is, let us let go of the validation.

 

Let us stop judging people – who has the time? Everyone has got a different personality and if theirs is not the same as ours, it is only better for a balance of the universe and survival of the genesis. There is a reason why people like each other – there is a way affection works. If we think good about others, we would naturally like them the feeling would grow mutually.

 

Let’s end this need for validation and judgement. Let’s try to find the goodness in everything around us. Let’s try to understand the shells people have around them and let’s try to find our way around it. Let’s try to find the walnut. Let’s try to fish for some seeds and life. Let’s try to make better of this pun:

sour-grapes

Stick to a song to complete a post.

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Songs have this effect. Start a song and some thoughts start pouring in. Start writing immediately and put the song on loop lest you want your thoughts to start wandering and five more drafts of posts, incomplete.

When songs are this effective, I wonder why we even bother to collect tens of people and give a lecture. We could just give them a song each, instead of writing books and blogs about what we want people to understand. I see a big irony here.

Thank you for trending #NotAllMen.

We all know about the saying that nothing can go further wrong once everything is in deep shit already. Now, that is not a quote per se, but an apt translation in a language we can grasp instantly today. So, yes. There is no better time to be optimistic than when there is nothing to be pessimistic about anymore. And that is what has happened with the Feminist movement in India these days. The condition is already so deplorable that try any underhanded or misguided attempt, and it will backfire. As did the #NotAllMen trend.
But, yes. Thank you to the trend. It has made it easier to explain what an hour long discussions couldn’t resolve earlier. And with that discussion, I mean the one upon the futility of this argument of ‘not all men’. We all have to agree, this was the most argued point men of the ‘mankind’ sex loved to bring about. Because the harassment of men upon false dowry cases and false rape charges are an important step towards seeking a feminist world ‘as we feminists define it to be’. And yes, it is. I am never denying that. But what I am denying is giving the argument an upper hand every time a feminist discussion is on the table only because ‘feminists want equalism, no?’.

Because we are never denying that false charges are not wrong. But ignoring everything else in a situation so deplorable when every woman, every girl undergoes some sort of sexual harassment even before turning into an adult to point out the helplessness of the men who are wrongly accused of rape is like saying that all blacks and their conditions should have been ignored because some of them might have been thieves.

Because in today’s rational world, in an intelligent lunch table discussion, when a guy talks about the girls he ‘missed’ at college who turned into ‘bombshells’ later is a ‘locker-room banter’ but when a girl talks about a guy who turned into a big shot later, she is deemed money-minded and shrewd.

Because in an intelligent, equalist world, it is ok for a guy to pass a sexist comment because ‘everyone is learning and we were reared in a sexist society’ but a girl should condemn all sexist activities because otherwise she doesn’t deserve equality and she climbed down from Mars.

Thank you, The Trending Hashtag, for making our hearts lighter and out discussions more lunch table friendly. Because we don’t want anybody to move out of the table. That’ll completely defeat the purpose.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus – smallest edition

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I’ve always wondered about the smug faces of the boys achieving something great when their current favourite girl is around – the boy who she could’ve been with but alas for her bad judgment. Atleast that’s what they seem to think in my honest opinion.

 

And this is not another guy-girl rant – oh, please warn me before I take you to the hideous territory – this is just a piece of experienced observation – observation about a relationship failed or even an attempt to relationship failed. For when it breaks, boys get into this inner monologue of what could’ve went wrong and what better could she find elsewhere? ’cause they were the finest and the best she could get. Going further, when they achieve something great before her eyes, they think she must be regretting for the miss she made.

If only the girls thought the same thing, there won’t be any need for this piece of awakening. Or there won’t be the breakups, probably? Who knows about the alterior universe. Because what seems to happen now is that the girls simply feel it wasn’t meant to be. And try to move on. Because they were together only because their togetherness had some meaning and when the meaning stops to be important, they don’t see a reason for the reconciliation once all is said and done. Regardless of what their heart feels.

 

So, naturally, when the guy achieves something great, it is only happiness from the girl. Or disinterest. It is not a moment of repentance – and it does not matter if we want her to repent. But damn, girl. The guy is still there, wondering why it wasn’t enough.

 

Coming to think of it, this might be just a personality trait and people of both sexes could fall into either of them (Voila, myths busted). Only that I have found the guys around me to be like that because I am the girl I described.

 

In the end, we might have some higher thoughts regarding the relationships we are or aren’t in but in the end, it boils down to just one reason – biology. Because, Darwin.

Why the new Himalayan mineral water advertisement should be taken down.

Have a glance! ( http://youtu.be/tI9xefhezlI) Here, we have a beautiful ad, shot at pretty locations, featuring a pretty girl and another pretty lady, a pretty flower and some pretty yaks. The pretty girl in pretty pink dress is shown collecting some water droplets inside her pretty pink flower right from the melting ice of the Himalayas, carrying the water carefully through the ranges, treading carefully on the rivulets, riding carefully on the yak-back, all the way to an upstate workplace to give it to a pretty lady who is then refreshed with the purest mineral water. The girl meanwhile watches the lady drink her water, dismally, as her work is completed successfully. Understandably, Himalayan mineral water grants a comparable service.

And I am stupidly and orthodox-ily stuck at finding this advertisement insensitive.
It may not be. A village girl may have been shown taking pains carrying the water through weathers, the terrains at the age when she shouldn’t be shown doing anything other than studying or playing or maybe fighting and crying; maybe just a sheer because she wants to. What’s huge in bringing someone a flower of clean water? And what does the placement of our receiver at an air-conditioned office in a maybe-posh locality have to do with it? Absolutely nothing. Or maybe something.

At a time when we are intensely fighting for children rights, this advertisement comes out as downright insensitive, if nothing else. It may not be intending to depict anything, but we as people are disheartened with this picturisation when the purpose could have been solved using any mature villager. Maybe I am drawing too much out of this, but it wouldn’t have hurt the ad-makers with another cast like it has hurt me and a few others with this one. Maybe I am waiting for an India where everyone thinks about affectations and results prior to indulging in some activity. Maybe I am expecting far too more, far too early.
If only.

The advertisement is very pretty, and insensitive; I believe. If it is not, do clear my misconception.

The problem with the current society in India

Today, we have numerous NGO’s working in India for the betterment of perception of women. And there are movies made, dharnas held, silent protests and online wake-up calls to make people realise the small mindedness of their thoughts about women. But after years of head-banging and troubles taken, the tectonic plate slides by a millimeter.

Any other day, I would say that this slide is better than an unchanging scenario. But not today. Not on the day when a rapist could blame a victim for her sufferings even after heaves of brain and social storm on the case. Today, I find it very frustrating to find a plausible explanation to why some of our country people (I am not saying men here, mind it. ) don’t find it necessary to listen to what is being put forward. Why do they fail to listen to any change of thought we want to instill in them? Why is everything falling on deaf ears?

I am not targeting a specific section of society here. I know when I talk about sexual discrimination in front of my father, he is visible uncomfortable. Part of it is the reason that he has been at fault himself at some point of time, part of it is the reason that he thinks he shouldn’t be listening to and in turn promote this ‘revolutionary streak’ in me.
Whenever I talk about sexual inequality at my workplace, there are always some men who are uncomfortable with the topic or some women who are downright disinterested in anything ‘not fun’ being a topic of discussion and vice versa. People point out, ‘Is there something of a national issue we can discuss? You see, talking about office and people is so down market.’

In all, people think this issue should only be discussed when we have a microphone in hand and a debate is going on or when we come across a new, fresh crime in news and our thoughts on it will be making a difference on the same. I am not disputing that. No. That is true. Your thoughts matter on any issue. But not only when the issue takes place. But before and after that too.

Everyone dreams of lying in their lover’s arms and watch Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai until there is a fire in the theatre. There is no fault in doing that. All I am saying is, if each one of us make it a habit to condone the throwing of lit cigarettes at wrong places and look out for it in their way, we could minimise the risk of fire accident by a substantial amount.

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